To get where I am now, ready to share my yoga passion and to share with others the benefits of yoga, I have had to choose to make some changes in my life. I have had to choose to let go of things that keep me stuck, and to surrender to what is and what may come.
Considering FEAR is most likely my greatest great obstacle…fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of change, fear of judgment and criticism, etc, etc…I hesitate to share this post publicly. Of course, that is exactly why I should do it. My goal is to help others find their own truth through yoga, to help heal their hurts and to find their voice. Therefore, I have no other option than to put myself out here.
Sunday I went out to complete an assignment that was given to me by one of my own healers. I have had seven people die whom I loved dearly and who played influential roles in my life. These loved ones continue to haunt my energetic body, my mind, and my spirit as I struggle to let go of my own anger, hurt, guilt, and regrets surrounding our relationships. As a result, my heart is unable to fully accept love from others, and even though I may love others with every fiber of my being, I remain unable to express it in the fullest capacity.
Dr. Kate Flynn of Activating Ascension suggested that I find a body of water by which to do a letting go ceremony in honor of these loved ones of mine. I set out with the intention of finding the perfect place to practice yoga and hold my letting go ceremony. I was limited on time so I couldn’t spend too much time searching, though.
At first, I did not believe that the place I ended up was as “perfect” as I wanted it to be. There were people in the area, a lot of background noise, and no place to spread out my yoga mat. I worried what these people were going to think about what I was about to do. I worried that I would be distracted, and end up wasting my time. I sat for a few minutes contemplating if I was going to stay or leave, if I was going to follow through or chicken out. Next thing I know, I was recording a video (which can be found on my Prakrti Yoga Facebook page if fear doesn’t prevent me from posting it), practicing yoga in the shallow river water, and selecting seven rocks to represent each person I was letting go of. I meditated on each person, sharing with them what I was feeling, thanking them for their presence in my life, and asking for whatever traits I admired most about them to live on through me. At the end of each person’s mediation, I released the rocks into the water as I promised I would now be ok without holding onto to them in such a way that hindered me from moving on.
My Loved Ones 1-4 were easiest to whom to say good-bye. Two grandmothers and a Grandfather who lived long, full, loving lives in strong faith. A best friend from way back in high school who was a kind and compassionate leader. Next was a troubled ex-boyfriend with whom I share my oldest child. I have been processing for several years not just his death, but a whole host of issues between the two of us. Saying another good-bye to him hurt a little less this time. My 6 and 7…definitely the most difficult. I didn’t think I could do it. Enter the most beautiful wet dog to give me a great big hug. Up until that moment my space had been respected, and I was in my own little world.
This precious guy knew what I needed, though, and although his owner was a bit embarrassed, I was thankful. I had been wondering for several years how I was ever going to let go of the babies I had lost early on in pregnancy. How was I supposed to let go of these souls who were never really acknowledged except in my own heart, who were never really mine, and who I never even got the chance to touch? My furry visitor brought much comfort to me and gave me the courage to continue.
While I am still uncertain of how best two honor my babies completely, I know they showed me how great my intuition can be if I allow it to rise, and they taught me that love is stronger than anything physical or visible, that love is stronger than any doubt. Perhaps I wasn’t completely successful in letting go with these two, but I am a little more free from a stronghold.
I did complete my assignment to the best of my ability, and there isn’t one thing about my experience I would change. It turned out to be as close to perfect as it possibly could have been, and it was only made even more special with the knowledge that I had support for what I was doing from people who love me. I was even granted an extra hour, which made it possible for me to stay in my perfect place long enough to watch families playing and children laughing.
May Peace Be Yours!